I have heard about a term used in weigh loss called "plateauing" where after a period of weight loss, the body seems to become wise to what you are trying to do and puts your call to your skinnier self on hold for a week or two. Many people who experience this give up considering that the diet has failed and recommence their old ways.
Heaven knows I need to lose weight but that is not the subject of this post. A plateau as opposed to a peak is an eroded remainder of an ancient plain found in many places of the world but none more prevalent than the intermountain west such as the flatlands on either side of the Grand Canyon. The tiniest singular remains of plateaus are called mesas and in the metaphorical sense of the term you reach the top and it is basically flat for the remainder of the expanse.
I just got my degree as I have mentioned before and at different times I have wondered what I should do with it once I had it. Some may say that such a decision should have been made tens of thousands of dollars ago and to a point I agree. It is clear to most that any given degree could lead to may different careers and for me I had always thought of climbing the corporate ladder in the Family and Church History Department now redivided into the Family History Department of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have always been so interested in Family History and how it was done but also who it affected and how easy it was to do. There are some elements that will never be strictly easy but the basics will always be there and ready for a willing heart and a ready mind.
However, I with a lot of experience in Family History and now a degree on top of eight years of experience of work in the department and two job opportunities later as well as a trial run for a few months in another section of the department and...nothing. It seems like I have alluded to metaphorically that I have plateaued. It seems to me that I still have more to do.
Peaks on the other hand are entirely different in nature. There is nothing flat about a peak. Peaks are generally up and down and as with most peaks they are made from smaller peaks. Rarely do you find a peak where the best route to the top is straight up. You reach the top of the ridge and need to hike down the other side before reaching the next higher peak. Peak then valley and peak again. Far less sedentary and far less static than a plateau.
What to do though? Am I on a plateau where I have gone as high as I am going to go or have I just been walking along a ridge rather than up it?
I feel that now I have a degree I have reached that coveted point that many others have reached before and many have followed different paths from it. However, the paths are many and diverse. I feel what I need to do is to find the "path less traveled by" as the poet says "to make all of the difference" I have a hazy view of what that road could be and if possible I may travel it. By doing so I may be able to find a place where I stand alone and appealing to those whose job it is to determine those who lead to the top of the department.
I told someone once recently that I just wanted to be a part of the work but I needed to be able to support my family as well. It is as though I see the peak I want to climb and I don't care what path to take to get there. I think I am coming to the realization that I have to care which path I take and I must choose one and follow it or remain at the relatively mediocre bottom. Once chosen, I can follow it and blaze my own path. Peak after peak until I reach the top where only God alone can bring me higher.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I am finally and in reality...Done with School
I walked for my graduation last April, but until today, i did not officially complete all requirements for graduation and receive my grades for that work. Now all I have to do is wait out time and my degree will show up in the mail. Finally I have my Bachelor of Arts in Family History and Genealogy. Good. Now on to the next...
Sunday, June 8, 2008
To Do Lists
I have been in school so long that my to-do list outside of school has long been limited to the most urgent things and only things I could do and no one else, with few exceptions. So much of my time has been swallowed up in school that when I did take some leisure time, it was to recharge my fried brain. In any case I am ready to take a break from the cognitively complex and move into the realm of the unskilled laborer.
For my to do list I have the following things:
Weed Flowerbeds.
Plant garden.
Clean house.
Fix cars
clean garage
and a few other things like that.
I have always wanted to find a profession where even when I am busy, I am always doing something that supports my family, or in other words, adds to the value of the Gardner family. When I speak of value, I speak of it int he terms that lean enterprises use it and that is something that supports or contributes to the value of something as defined by the customer. In this case, the customer is my family so the things in which i spend my time are those which add value to my family. Circular conversation? No. More like an upward spiral. If I wanted to see my efforts from the non-inertial frame of an outsider, it would be an upward spiral. Gradual slope at first but as I identify the "muda" or waste in my efforts, I can become more effective in my efforts. That effectiveness determines the slope of that upward spiral. If there is too much waste and my effectiveness is compromised the spiral turns downward instead. If I cut out all of the waste such as wasteful spending of money on things which add no value or time spent on things which add no value such as video games, that hurts the effort.
Lest anyone think me a budding Ebeneezer Scrooge and I am suggesting I become a tightwad with my money, time and that of others, I want to broaden the definition of value beyond the tangible and include, quality time spent with my wife and kids as well as time spent fulfilling my responsibilities in my many roles. A slowly increasing upward spiral whose slope is getting steeper and steeper but in all aspects of life, rich in all ways. Well-rounded and happy.
The last thing I want to add here is the most crucial point. The things that have the greatest impact on this are the things that have the least to do with the selfish "me" of our day. The more they have to do with others, the better. Selfless in a nutshell or as the Lord put it, he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. Working for the things that others benefit from before myself if myself at all are the most effective.
So what is on my "to do" list? Write out yours based on the above criteria and share ti with me, and I will share mine with you.
For my to do list I have the following things:
Weed Flowerbeds.
Plant garden.
Clean house.
Fix cars
clean garage
and a few other things like that.
I have always wanted to find a profession where even when I am busy, I am always doing something that supports my family, or in other words, adds to the value of the Gardner family. When I speak of value, I speak of it int he terms that lean enterprises use it and that is something that supports or contributes to the value of something as defined by the customer. In this case, the customer is my family so the things in which i spend my time are those which add value to my family. Circular conversation? No. More like an upward spiral. If I wanted to see my efforts from the non-inertial frame of an outsider, it would be an upward spiral. Gradual slope at first but as I identify the "muda" or waste in my efforts, I can become more effective in my efforts. That effectiveness determines the slope of that upward spiral. If there is too much waste and my effectiveness is compromised the spiral turns downward instead. If I cut out all of the waste such as wasteful spending of money on things which add no value or time spent on things which add no value such as video games, that hurts the effort.
Lest anyone think me a budding Ebeneezer Scrooge and I am suggesting I become a tightwad with my money, time and that of others, I want to broaden the definition of value beyond the tangible and include, quality time spent with my wife and kids as well as time spent fulfilling my responsibilities in my many roles. A slowly increasing upward spiral whose slope is getting steeper and steeper but in all aspects of life, rich in all ways. Well-rounded and happy.
The last thing I want to add here is the most crucial point. The things that have the greatest impact on this are the things that have the least to do with the selfish "me" of our day. The more they have to do with others, the better. Selfless in a nutshell or as the Lord put it, he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. Working for the things that others benefit from before myself if myself at all are the most effective.
So what is on my "to do" list? Write out yours based on the above criteria and share ti with me, and I will share mine with you.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Fat and Ugly
those who know me know I am a sizable Guy. I am around six feet tall and on most days a smidgen over that. However, very few would guess I am over 300 lbs. and fewer than that know I am actually about 350 lbs. I weighed myself a couple of days ago on a decent scale and it said I was 348, just two pounds away from the scale's capacity. Now I stay pretty busy and I burn a lot of energy. On top of that I eat a lot of food. Some days it is only a little and probably less than my recommended intake. At times i am sure i eat a whopping 3-4000 calories in one sitting. Usually this happens when I am eating something I REALLY like, I have hit an all-you-can-eat buffet, or i have cooked what I am eating myself, which usually falls into the first category. Why do I do this? I think I have a couple of reasons but lets touch on the "ugly" notation first.
I am not the worst looking guy in the worked nor am I Fabio. I have never been "cut", "chiseled", or "ripped" frankly I barely remember when I could see any definition in any muscles at all and this has NEVER occurred with my abs, which have suffered the most. I don't stew a lot over my weight but as I am in my early thirties, the effects of my weight have started to be more pronounced. I snore loud enough to pull satellites out of orbit. I have occasional back pains that are clearly and directly related to my bulk. When I get up in the morning I can literally feel what feels like a huge fat suit and want little else but to "zip" it off and leave it behind. I lug it around with me everyday and it has slowly grown by 100 lbs over the past ten years. I haven't had a lot of motivation to do as I wish as much of it is limited by my size. I even find clothes I used to swim in when I got home from my mission are now too small for me. ugly to me is when I feel like something unattractive, no matter what I actually look like. I feel ugly so I consider myself ugly.
What can I do? well there are many answers to this. I can eat less. This is necessary, however, as I recently returned to a very physically demanding job (relatively speaking) and I have a lot of physically demanding chores at home to catch up on now that school is over for me, I think that, I need to be careful in how I scale back my eating. Attempts at reducing my intake have left me feeling "out of gas" early in the day and a lethargic attitude is not good in my work environment. I am seen somewhat as an example and what attitude I have often gets mimicked by others. I cannot run out of gas at work. Now we sit behind a desk and then sit in front of a TV at home. We sit in cars, and we sit everywhere else. three squares a day is rarely needed in such a case but the nutrients such a vitamins are. Lowering intake and eating better quality food is key, along with some basic supplements to make up shortfalls.
Another solution is to increase my physical efforts. Everyone used to be much skinnier in the past even after eating three squares a day because of two factors. Their work day was out working on the farm from before dawn till after dusk and they did not eat so much processed stuff. I plan on spending some money to join a club or get a treadmill which is my favorite form of exercise as the treadmill almost exercises me rather than the other way around. Getting me there is the issue. It is costly to go there but once there, it is fun. i also like doing it with someone although I can do it by myself. My wife has exercise goals too and does not like doing it alone at all so she will join me if we can finagle it.
if I can lose this weight and get down to where it doesn't feel burdensome, I can spread out to other exercise methods such as bikes, sports (basketball and racquetball) among others. Losing inches on my waist, thighs, and elsewhere will not only make me skinnier, but I believe stronger and more attractive. I know I would be happier, and live longer which aren't bad either. Root for me openly or in secret as I feel i can do this but it will take discipline, incredible discipline, something I have sought in others but not been able to muster in myself. See you in the skinny clothes aisle!
I am not the worst looking guy in the worked nor am I Fabio. I have never been "cut", "chiseled", or "ripped" frankly I barely remember when I could see any definition in any muscles at all and this has NEVER occurred with my abs, which have suffered the most. I don't stew a lot over my weight but as I am in my early thirties, the effects of my weight have started to be more pronounced. I snore loud enough to pull satellites out of orbit. I have occasional back pains that are clearly and directly related to my bulk. When I get up in the morning I can literally feel what feels like a huge fat suit and want little else but to "zip" it off and leave it behind. I lug it around with me everyday and it has slowly grown by 100 lbs over the past ten years. I haven't had a lot of motivation to do as I wish as much of it is limited by my size. I even find clothes I used to swim in when I got home from my mission are now too small for me. ugly to me is when I feel like something unattractive, no matter what I actually look like. I feel ugly so I consider myself ugly.
What can I do? well there are many answers to this. I can eat less. This is necessary, however, as I recently returned to a very physically demanding job (relatively speaking) and I have a lot of physically demanding chores at home to catch up on now that school is over for me, I think that, I need to be careful in how I scale back my eating. Attempts at reducing my intake have left me feeling "out of gas" early in the day and a lethargic attitude is not good in my work environment. I am seen somewhat as an example and what attitude I have often gets mimicked by others. I cannot run out of gas at work. Now we sit behind a desk and then sit in front of a TV at home. We sit in cars, and we sit everywhere else. three squares a day is rarely needed in such a case but the nutrients such a vitamins are. Lowering intake and eating better quality food is key, along with some basic supplements to make up shortfalls.
Another solution is to increase my physical efforts. Everyone used to be much skinnier in the past even after eating three squares a day because of two factors. Their work day was out working on the farm from before dawn till after dusk and they did not eat so much processed stuff. I plan on spending some money to join a club or get a treadmill which is my favorite form of exercise as the treadmill almost exercises me rather than the other way around. Getting me there is the issue. It is costly to go there but once there, it is fun. i also like doing it with someone although I can do it by myself. My wife has exercise goals too and does not like doing it alone at all so she will join me if we can finagle it.
if I can lose this weight and get down to where it doesn't feel burdensome, I can spread out to other exercise methods such as bikes, sports (basketball and racquetball) among others. Losing inches on my waist, thighs, and elsewhere will not only make me skinnier, but I believe stronger and more attractive. I know I would be happier, and live longer which aren't bad either. Root for me openly or in secret as I feel i can do this but it will take discipline, incredible discipline, something I have sought in others but not been able to muster in myself. See you in the skinny clothes aisle!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Kids and Money
How many of us either in high school or College took a personal finance course? I did. I had a component of it in a civics class in high school and then about seven years ago I had another one in college. However, hids nowadays must just be better with money as it seems to come to them not only naturally, but like they have had recent education on wise spending and balancing cash flow. Who Knew?
As always I have a story behind the topic of today's post. I my wife and my seven year old son just finished a two hour long game of monopoly. I was the banker and almost directly from the outset Samuel was doing well and neither i or my wife were doing anywhere near as good. However as the game progressed, I would tell him rent amounts that he had to pony up for and he came out with exact change almost every time. He even counted it like an adult. Watching him play and make decisions was captivating at times and eventually it led to his victory. I was the first to go but as the banker I stuck around to help. Ten minutes later he had beaten my wife and he had about $7000 in cash and properties. He had trounced us and at no point after fifteen minutes in the game did I have a shred of hope of winning.
i certainly hope two things with this. If it is truly prowess I hope he keeps it and does not abuse it. If it was luck, I hope he doesn't get too bummed the first time he is killed in a game like I was. Thoughts? Feelings?
As always I have a story behind the topic of today's post. I my wife and my seven year old son just finished a two hour long game of monopoly. I was the banker and almost directly from the outset Samuel was doing well and neither i or my wife were doing anywhere near as good. However as the game progressed, I would tell him rent amounts that he had to pony up for and he came out with exact change almost every time. He even counted it like an adult. Watching him play and make decisions was captivating at times and eventually it led to his victory. I was the first to go but as the banker I stuck around to help. Ten minutes later he had beaten my wife and he had about $7000 in cash and properties. He had trounced us and at no point after fifteen minutes in the game did I have a shred of hope of winning.
i certainly hope two things with this. If it is truly prowess I hope he keeps it and does not abuse it. If it was luck, I hope he doesn't get too bummed the first time he is killed in a game like I was. Thoughts? Feelings?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Summer in the Gardner
Yes summer is here, especially at my house. My kids are slowly getting out of school and it is starting to get hot enough to need the A/C in the house, not to mention the boiling hot car. So what is it about summer that draws so many people out? Well, I know what the answers are for some, but let me tell you what it is in the Gardner house.
We like doing things together. For instance, my wife does not care for gardening or weeding or the like. I sort of do, however we both enjoy it quite a bit when we do it together. Sometimes it takes some instigation but it happens.
We like the fresh air. After a season cooped up in the house it is nice to get out and stretch our legs and lungs. Walking the dog has not been a tradition among us but now as my schedule is easing some, I think it is one I will take more seriously.
We like colors. Let's face it, even though Heavenly Father has made the Salt Lake Valley where I live, bloom in the desert, it is still a desert and at no time is that more obvious than in winter when everything looks dead and gray. With the onset of summer, the many colors of the flowers and the expanses of green grass over our yards make this desert feel much nicer.
We like the outdoors. Granted, those who know us know we have been camping as a family since my marriage fewer times than I have fingers. There is no real good reason why except perhaps my schooling has kept me busy. scary stories of kids being attacked or dragged off by wildlife has kept my wife apprehensive, but even then we still love the outdoors. For our anniversary recently, we went camping for the first time together without the kids in YEARS. We stayed three days and drowned in what turned out to be a heavy shower broken intermittently with light showers. The tent pad we had our tent on was only about 6 inches higher then the river level not fifty feet away. After the second night, the sandy pad had stopped draining and one corner filled with water. I had overeaten the previous night and threw up there about 2am. Miserable? Not at all. We had the time of our lives! Had the kids been with us that would have been different for them and us. I got to spend four days (we spent the last coming home and spent the night in a motel,) with my best friend and the kids partied with grandparents and their cousins. Sure it rained, but it was memorable and only increased our resolve to camp some more this year.
I am also a busy person. I don't sit idle for long. A multi-tasker by nature, I need to keep busy. Even most TV I watch is accompanied by some task, usually folding laundry. Yes I am a GUY! (Just a note in case you were wondering.) I like to fill my outdoors with working on cars, cleaning out and puttering in the garage, and general sprucing up of my domicile. Now that school is 99.9999999% over for me, I am already doing some of these things and prepared to bust loose on more.
To those who wonder what can be done for summer, I suggest looking around you, Your family is there, your kids are there, You have a yard or park you can enjoy. The best thing you can do is spend time. It is far easier to budget than money and the government has not found a way to spend your share of it. It is there if you want it and it generates more "wealth" than any other activity you could engage in.
We like doing things together. For instance, my wife does not care for gardening or weeding or the like. I sort of do, however we both enjoy it quite a bit when we do it together. Sometimes it takes some instigation but it happens.
We like the fresh air. After a season cooped up in the house it is nice to get out and stretch our legs and lungs. Walking the dog has not been a tradition among us but now as my schedule is easing some, I think it is one I will take more seriously.
We like colors. Let's face it, even though Heavenly Father has made the Salt Lake Valley where I live, bloom in the desert, it is still a desert and at no time is that more obvious than in winter when everything looks dead and gray. With the onset of summer, the many colors of the flowers and the expanses of green grass over our yards make this desert feel much nicer.
We like the outdoors. Granted, those who know us know we have been camping as a family since my marriage fewer times than I have fingers. There is no real good reason why except perhaps my schooling has kept me busy. scary stories of kids being attacked or dragged off by wildlife has kept my wife apprehensive, but even then we still love the outdoors. For our anniversary recently, we went camping for the first time together without the kids in YEARS. We stayed three days and drowned in what turned out to be a heavy shower broken intermittently with light showers. The tent pad we had our tent on was only about 6 inches higher then the river level not fifty feet away. After the second night, the sandy pad had stopped draining and one corner filled with water. I had overeaten the previous night and threw up there about 2am. Miserable? Not at all. We had the time of our lives! Had the kids been with us that would have been different for them and us. I got to spend four days (we spent the last coming home and spent the night in a motel,) with my best friend and the kids partied with grandparents and their cousins. Sure it rained, but it was memorable and only increased our resolve to camp some more this year.
I am also a busy person. I don't sit idle for long. A multi-tasker by nature, I need to keep busy. Even most TV I watch is accompanied by some task, usually folding laundry. Yes I am a GUY! (Just a note in case you were wondering.) I like to fill my outdoors with working on cars, cleaning out and puttering in the garage, and general sprucing up of my domicile. Now that school is 99.9999999% over for me, I am already doing some of these things and prepared to bust loose on more.
To those who wonder what can be done for summer, I suggest looking around you, Your family is there, your kids are there, You have a yard or park you can enjoy. The best thing you can do is spend time. It is far easier to budget than money and the government has not found a way to spend your share of it. It is there if you want it and it generates more "wealth" than any other activity you could engage in.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day
Mother's day is celebrated in different ways by different people. Some people make a huge deal out of it and it is something akin to Christmas. I am LDS and in the LDS missionary tradition, missionaries are allowed to call home when possible on two days of the year, Christmas is clearly the other one. Mother's day being the second shows the kind of importance the mother plays in a missionary's life. Though it has been years since my mission I can only think of a few time where I have eagerly anticipated making a phone call to someone more and that was to the mother of my children.
Mom's are special in a lot of ways and though everyone enumerates their reasons for their mothers I want to plow through the obvious reasons and cite a couple each for my own mother and my dear wife.
First my own mother. She has had a hard life on many fronts and any lesser woman would have been committed by now with all of the troubles, her German Orneriness and stubbornness to plow through troubles has kept her sane. Her giving up on solving or working through any of those troubles would be the beginning of sanity for her. I saw ti so many times as a child and I still see it today, even though she is slowing down somewhat, mostly due to her health. I am stubborn after the same fashion in selected areas of my life. In picking my battles and the causes for which I actively advocate, I push hard and I don't give up. At times I come across as passive but it is only when there is not anything I can do about the issue at the time so I set it aside and don't worry about it. However I am keenly aware of when I can do something and plan to pounce on it again at that time. Back burner though it may be but the flame is still on.
Another thing about my mother of note is her ability to say "no"at the right time. Most of the time she says "yes" to many things and sometimes she says yes when, for her own good she should have said "no" The ability I am talking about isn't based on her availability to help or the others want for her help, but it is more based upon the growth that others can get if they do it themselves. This in my own life led to a very independent streak and a desire in my self to figure things out and work them out rather than just asking her to do it for me. It would have been easier for her and for me if she did it but practical knowledge is most often gained when someone says "no" but encourages your own discovery of how to surmount their problems. This led me to a smoother transition into real life though it was not without its speed bumps and obstacles. I have had may difficulties myself and I have been able with help from others top work them out. Bailing me out has not been something often but at the right time a well placed "no" has done a lot of good.
Now my own wife, my companion, and my better half, emphasis on the "better" part. She is very different from my mother and in many ways diametric from her. Does this mean she is bad? Absolutely not! What it means is that I have a certain way of doing things and so many of the things I do I get the method from my mother. Learning different ways of doing them has been difficult at times, but eye-opening as well. Early in my marriage I was constantly making suggestions to my wife about how to do things, even side seat driving which drove her nuts. It took me a long time but what I learned is that the way my wife does things is different and it still gets done. Not better, not worse, just different. After a while I started asking myself, doers it really matter which way she does things? Most of the time I said "no, of course not." Then I said to myself, "then be quiet." Most of the time anymore I only give my opinion in one of two situations, when I am asked for it which is usually something like "what do you want for dinner?" The other situation is when I see something that maybe she hadn't and toss it out as a thought but without an agenda attached to it. One example of this was a very recent plan for an anniversary trip we are taking here soon. She was looking at the Canyonlands, or Bryce Canyon and was thinking cabins or bed and breakfast. With the much improved weather, I suggested, "What about Camping?" We hadn't done much and we bothy enjoy it. She lit upon the idea and so we spent the next three or so hours looking for a relatively nearby camping destination and finally found one. After making some preliminary arrangements for our children with some relatives we pulled the trigger on some camping reservations. Now she is excited and after taking with some in laws who have been where we are going, she is even more excited.
One more thing about her. She has a well-hidden adventurous streak about her,t hat does not take a whole lot to uncover. Not flighty or impulsive in the least, she does enjoy the thoughts of future long distance vacations, foreign mission opportunities, or trips to Vegas or Cali just for the fun of being there but without indulging in the carnal elements of them. I am much more of a Homebody. I look forward to opportunities to travel and get out but whether it is for just a dew days or a few weeks, I am always glad to come home. I have two favorite times of the day, time which I relish solely for the existence of them and nothing that may be read into them. When I come home and see my children careening through the living room to give my legs a huge bear hug, and then take a moment to give my wife a big hug and kiss of her own, I breathe in the intangible feeling of home and no matter how my day went I am always happier to now be home. The other time is bedtime and not for the reasons one would think but for the simplest and sweetest. I can lay down at night and rest my head upon my pillow with all of my cares sinking out of my mind and through the floor. Clearing my mind for a good nights rest, I can rest well because my sweet companion is there by my side. If ever she is not there such as the times she was in the hospital with a new child or making a late night milk run to the store the room just doesn't feel right. She is very much a part of me and my life and if for whatever reason she was torn from my side, I would be a useless wreck for years afterward.
Mothers to me are more than people filling a necessary role. They are also more than the calming element in the lives of men that keep them from degrading back to cavemen, (which we would most certainly do without them!) They become as much a part of our lives where there is no part of our lives they don't touch so that in their absence, their lack of influence is noted. That is why college students are such idiots sometimes. The balancing influence of mom is gone and no one has stepped in to fill the void. That is why widowers are so often grouchy old men. Their loves are one and so their hearts are often gone too. All of this can sum up to one final note. When I die, I want her to go at the same time as me, not hours later, or months later, but the same time, if the veil were to separate me from her for any length of time, no matter what I was doing, I would not be a complete man without my wife.
A day for mothers is not nearly enough, but were it more often, it would not be nearly so sweet.
Mom's are special in a lot of ways and though everyone enumerates their reasons for their mothers I want to plow through the obvious reasons and cite a couple each for my own mother and my dear wife.
First my own mother. She has had a hard life on many fronts and any lesser woman would have been committed by now with all of the troubles, her German Orneriness and stubbornness to plow through troubles has kept her sane. Her giving up on solving or working through any of those troubles would be the beginning of sanity for her. I saw ti so many times as a child and I still see it today, even though she is slowing down somewhat, mostly due to her health. I am stubborn after the same fashion in selected areas of my life. In picking my battles and the causes for which I actively advocate, I push hard and I don't give up. At times I come across as passive but it is only when there is not anything I can do about the issue at the time so I set it aside and don't worry about it. However I am keenly aware of when I can do something and plan to pounce on it again at that time. Back burner though it may be but the flame is still on.
Another thing about my mother of note is her ability to say "no"at the right time. Most of the time she says "yes" to many things and sometimes she says yes when, for her own good she should have said "no" The ability I am talking about isn't based on her availability to help or the others want for her help, but it is more based upon the growth that others can get if they do it themselves. This in my own life led to a very independent streak and a desire in my self to figure things out and work them out rather than just asking her to do it for me. It would have been easier for her and for me if she did it but practical knowledge is most often gained when someone says "no" but encourages your own discovery of how to surmount their problems. This led me to a smoother transition into real life though it was not without its speed bumps and obstacles. I have had may difficulties myself and I have been able with help from others top work them out. Bailing me out has not been something often but at the right time a well placed "no" has done a lot of good.
Now my own wife, my companion, and my better half, emphasis on the "better" part. She is very different from my mother and in many ways diametric from her. Does this mean she is bad? Absolutely not! What it means is that I have a certain way of doing things and so many of the things I do I get the method from my mother. Learning different ways of doing them has been difficult at times, but eye-opening as well. Early in my marriage I was constantly making suggestions to my wife about how to do things, even side seat driving which drove her nuts. It took me a long time but what I learned is that the way my wife does things is different and it still gets done. Not better, not worse, just different. After a while I started asking myself, doers it really matter which way she does things? Most of the time I said "no, of course not." Then I said to myself, "then be quiet." Most of the time anymore I only give my opinion in one of two situations, when I am asked for it which is usually something like "what do you want for dinner?" The other situation is when I see something that maybe she hadn't and toss it out as a thought but without an agenda attached to it. One example of this was a very recent plan for an anniversary trip we are taking here soon. She was looking at the Canyonlands, or Bryce Canyon and was thinking cabins or bed and breakfast. With the much improved weather, I suggested, "What about Camping?" We hadn't done much and we bothy enjoy it. She lit upon the idea and so we spent the next three or so hours looking for a relatively nearby camping destination and finally found one. After making some preliminary arrangements for our children with some relatives we pulled the trigger on some camping reservations. Now she is excited and after taking with some in laws who have been where we are going, she is even more excited.
One more thing about her. She has a well-hidden adventurous streak about her,t hat does not take a whole lot to uncover. Not flighty or impulsive in the least, she does enjoy the thoughts of future long distance vacations, foreign mission opportunities, or trips to Vegas or Cali just for the fun of being there but without indulging in the carnal elements of them. I am much more of a Homebody. I look forward to opportunities to travel and get out but whether it is for just a dew days or a few weeks, I am always glad to come home. I have two favorite times of the day, time which I relish solely for the existence of them and nothing that may be read into them. When I come home and see my children careening through the living room to give my legs a huge bear hug, and then take a moment to give my wife a big hug and kiss of her own, I breathe in the intangible feeling of home and no matter how my day went I am always happier to now be home. The other time is bedtime and not for the reasons one would think but for the simplest and sweetest. I can lay down at night and rest my head upon my pillow with all of my cares sinking out of my mind and through the floor. Clearing my mind for a good nights rest, I can rest well because my sweet companion is there by my side. If ever she is not there such as the times she was in the hospital with a new child or making a late night milk run to the store the room just doesn't feel right. She is very much a part of me and my life and if for whatever reason she was torn from my side, I would be a useless wreck for years afterward.
Mothers to me are more than people filling a necessary role. They are also more than the calming element in the lives of men that keep them from degrading back to cavemen, (which we would most certainly do without them!) They become as much a part of our lives where there is no part of our lives they don't touch so that in their absence, their lack of influence is noted. That is why college students are such idiots sometimes. The balancing influence of mom is gone and no one has stepped in to fill the void. That is why widowers are so often grouchy old men. Their loves are one and so their hearts are often gone too. All of this can sum up to one final note. When I die, I want her to go at the same time as me, not hours later, or months later, but the same time, if the veil were to separate me from her for any length of time, no matter what I was doing, I would not be a complete man without my wife.
A day for mothers is not nearly enough, but were it more often, it would not be nearly so sweet.
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